TR HYMN BOOK 2004 EDITION
3. You'll Never Get To Heaven
Oh, you'll never get to heaven in a bottle of gin,
'cause the Lord won't let no spirits in,
Oh, you'll never get to heaven in a bottle of gin, 'cause the Lord won't let no spirits in,
Chorus
I ain’t gonna grieve,
My Lord no more,
I ain’t gonna grieve my Lord
I ain’t gonna grieve my Lord
I ain’t gonna grieve
My Lord no more.
Oh, you'll never get to heaven with powder and paint,
'cause the Lord don't want you as you ain't.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven on a pair of skis,
'cause you'll slide right past St. Peter's knees.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven in a bottle of whisky,
'cause the Lord don't like his angels frisky.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven on a bottle of stout,
'cause the Lord he throws all drunkards out.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven if you're newly wed,
'cause the Lord ain't got no double bed.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven on a ping pong ball,
'cause a ping pong ball is far too small.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven in a biscuit tin,
'cause the Lord don't let no crummy ones in.
...
Chorus
Oh, you'll never get to heaven in a baked bean tin,
'cause a baked bean tin's got baked beans in.
...
Chorus

Theres more, many many more, in the book